This blog is my therapy and I have been writing about seeking to elevate myself to a higher level of self-love and appreciation. I want to be whole and unbroken from past hurts, failures, and disappointments. This means tapping deeper into my mental, spiritual, and emotional health. Any path on this particular journey would require introspective and reflection on past decisions, actions, and behaviors to determine the effect of their outcomes. Especially ones that leave one bruised and bitter, whether it be by our own hands, others, or God.

I am not going to bore you with the internal dialogue and thoughts I have in my head during this journey, but I do want to share one thought in particular that really struck a chord.  

After I did my study on David and Goliath, I was lead to Numbers 13 and 14 in the Bible. In chapter 13, God commanded Moses to send twelve men to explore the land of Canaan. This surely had to have been a test from God because why would He ask the men to explore something that He promised to give them in the first place? Wouldn’t it have been easier for them to just walk straight into the promised land and take possession of it? Wouldn’t it have been easier for it to have been uninhabited? If it was a test then they completely failed.

When the men came back from their exploration they discovered that the land God promised them was indeed perfect. The soil was fertile and rich. The grass was green and the rivers flowed. The trees bared fruit that was plump and delicious. Everything the Israelites needed and more was in Canaan just as God promised. But Canaan also bore a challenge. The people who already lived there were big and strong, the cities were fortified and impenetrable and the Israelites were scared.

Numbers 14 That night all the members of the community raised their voices and wept aloud. 2 All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, “If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this wilderness! 3 Why is the Lord bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn’t it be better for us to go back to Egypt?” 4 And they said to each other, “We should choose a leader and go back to Egypt.”

Joshua and Caleb were the only ones who spoke in the affirmative. Their positive mindset allowed them to see only the good things the land had to offer.

Numbers 13 30 Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, “We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.”

Numbers 14 6 Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh, who were among those who had explored the land, tore their clothes 7 and said to the entire Israelite assembly, “The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. 8 If the Lord is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us. 9 Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will devour them. Their protection is gone, but the Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them.”

The Israelites rebelled and wanted to stone Joshua and Caleb for their unwavering declaration into seizing the land. Which made no sense because they all were well aware since the day they left captivity in Egypt, that God promised a place for them to inhabit. A place where they could be free and would exceed their expectations. However, at every turn, every obstacle and challenge they questioned God and lost trust and belief in His promise. Even after he delivered them from the hands of the Pharaoh, even after He parted the Red Sea, even after he created mana from on high. It took them 40 years to make an 11-day journey because of their unbelief. They reached the point of entering the promised land and they still doubted him and because of this God punished them. He made sure that none of them would enter the land of Canaan and they had to wait 40 more years to get there.

This had me shooketh! I thought to myself, how many blessings have I either missed out on or received a delay in getting because of my nonbelief in His promise. God promises He has a plan for my life, one that is meant for me to prosper and live life abundantly. And just like the Israelites I doubt, question, worry, stress and become unsure of that promise at the site of every challenge. David slew Goliath with confidence because of his trust and faith in God. He recounted how He had his back in the past to give him the necessary strength and assurance about his fate in the future. The Israelites failed to recount God’s past provisions and I have too. God didn’t promise an obstacle-free life, but He did promise to be with you every step of the way. With His right hand holding on to my right hand leading me and guiding me along the way, there is no way I can fail. With Him I am guaranteed to enter my promised land as long as I have trust and faith.