Happy New Year!

Many people approach the end of the year with a renewed purpose, attitude and hope; however, these past couple of years had me filled with so much dread and disappointment. I essentially had to start all over at the bottom of my career and finances. I had to rebuild my spirit and self-esteem, piece by piece. I spent the past year and a half coveting my former life. I lost my job and wished I could get back to “normal”. It has been an arduous journey. When I looked over my 2018 goal list, I realized how little I had accomplished. I felt defeated. And then a revelation hit me; it ain’t no going back to what I knew as “normal”. I have to embrace this new normal.

I’ve reconciled with the loss, and the changes that have led me to my current situation. In the aftermath, I am picking up the pieces and trying to find restoration. In fact, that’s the theme for 2019; Restoration! As I meditated on that word, and prayed over exactly what it is that I am asking God to restore for me, I realized the gains and losses I am looking to recoup are all tangible.

The possessions we cherish so fondly in our lives can easily be lost and attained. It can happen swiftly or little by little, but it all comes and goes. At the end of the day, how much of that really matters? Although I may have lost some things, I’ve come to value more than the tangibles in my life. Accomplishing goals and acquiring things are all important and necessary, but if they are not checked off my list at the end of the year, that doesn’t make me a failure. What I have gained in these months can not be measured. Maturation is a process. It’s the struggle that molds it. I am now leaning on things I know to be true about God and myself, and less about what other people say or think. I don’t let frivolous things or people bother me as much. I’ve learned to meditate and stay focus on the positive things. I’m resilient and persevering against the odds. I know and love me more now…and that’s what really matters. Whenever this type of change happens, you can live a more happier and grateful life.

Things may not be how you want it, but joy and peace will never leave you. In 2019, I don’t want to continue holding my breath and living with a cloud of dread over my head. I want to enjoy life and be present. I may have only checked off 2 of 16 bullets from my list, but every day that I had breath in my body was a win, a gift, a miracle. I may not have tangibly gotten a lot done, but I made it through the year, and that’s no small feat.