Fear of Losing You

There are many things in life that I don’t understand. As a Christian, I believe that God’s ways go beyond our understanding. It can be hard to reconcile when good people leave the earth too soon especially in a horrific and tragic way.

I didn’t know any of Nipsey Hussle’s songs. Prior to his death, I wasn’t aware of any of the things he’d done in his community. However, his untimely death really had a profound effect on me. One night I couldn’t sleep because of it. And I couldn’t put into words why this was having this type of effect on me. But I think it’s because of a couple of things. I am saddened for Lauren London and their children. Their youngest, a two-year-old, will never know his father. And in a world in which Black boys need their fathers, this is particularly heartbreaking. I am also befuddled as the reason why the shooter did what he did. I mean, I know why, but why though? I think that’s what’s haunting me more. This man died because someone didn’t like what he’d said to him and felt disrespected.

Two weeks ago, in Gainsville, Florida, a man was handing out $20 bills and paying for patrons meals at a local Waffle House. When a woman felt some type of way that she wasn’t a recipient of his generosity she told a male friend, who confronted the man, then drove to his house, picked up his gun and came back to the Waffle House to shoot him. And just like that, another father was taken away from his children.

Same thing in the Nipsey case. The shooter was so incensed at whatever words were exchanged that he drove away, picked up his gun and then came back to murder someone. It all seems so childish to me.

I had a conversation with a male on my thoughts about these deaths and he reminded me that men have always experienced death at the hands of another man who felt disrespected. He said for some men, especially men who grew up in the hood, their pride is all they have and when that pride has been disrespected then retaliation seems to be the only reasonable solution.

I understand that logic applies to many people. However, it’s still nonsensical to me. I wish we all were in better check of our emotions. Then people wouldn’t have to die over what I think are silly reasons. But I fully acknowledge that for some people this line of thinking isn’t silly. All the time I live in fear that I would lose a Black man that I love. Fear that he can be gone for something foolish or at the hands of police.

It’s overwhelming and unhealthy to live in this kind of fear. So, the question becomes: How do I quell this fear and these anxious feelings? And I guess the answer is to make sure that I surround the Black men in my life with love. I can’t protect them from the harsh realities of the world but I can make sure that I love on them as often and as long as I can.

13 thoughts on “Fear of Losing You

  1. What a thought provoking post… it is disheartening how the value of another’s life especially black men means nothing. I believe this evil that we are witnessing is a direct result of sin and i pray that light and love will overcome the hate that prevails…

  2. Unfortunately there are countless stories of these senseless events going on…. prayers going up for protection daily for all those we love and especially the men in our lives

  3. It’s sad to hear about black men actually doing something good for the community being taken in this way. We really have to trust God for our men and cherish all that they do.

  4. The senseless acts of violence has to stop. People doing good things for their communities should be rewarded, not killed. Instead of getting in their feelings and harboring jealousy, the perpetrators should embrace what these people were doing.

  5. It’s so many deaths and it’s sad because I think it’s not fair to take another’s life. We just all have to learn to take our anger and channel it somewhere else it’s so sad.

  6. Stories like Nipsey and so many others along the same plot line always sadden me. It saddens me that people feel they are somehow entitled to a respect they are unwilling to give to those around them. That they have the right to take a life simply to somehow stamp a bit of respect on another. Prayer, Love and Peace are all I want for my children in this crazy world.

  7. I’m so tired of hearing about untimely deaths, each one seems to open a fresh wound. Nipsey, the Wafflehouse guy, the kids being in fights and then dying, I’m at a loss. We really need a reprieve from all this sadness.

  8. Ugh it’s seriously so frustrating to hear about all the “good” men being taken. I sit and wonder, what year is it? Why is this still happening? If I think too hard I fall into deep sadness. More of us need to stand up and do good together perhaps…

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