Hi, my name is Brittany, I am 34 years old and I do not have children.
Although women, particularly Black women, have made great strides in becoming entrepreneurs and degree earners, those who don’t have children are often sneered at with reproach. To get a reaction like that is very offensive. It’s like all of your accomplishments mean nothing or pale in comparison if you’re not a mother. Womanhood does not equal motherhood and we should stop acting as if a woman’s life purpose is to become a mother. Some women want to have tons of babies and others don’t want any. And either choice is fine. Women shouldn’t feel pressured either way.
I feel pressure to have a baby all the time, from everyone. Even if that means me and the child’s father do not have a relationship. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard “if it doesn’t work out you can put him on child support” It is pure lunacy to me.
People seem to be more bothered at the fact that I am childless than I am single. In my opinion, I think the focus should be on developing a relationship with a man so that I can be assured he’ll be a good father. Picking a mate isn’t an easy or quick process. I am convinced that a lot of baby mama/baby daddy drama would be eliminated had folks made more of an effort and took time to asses their partner before getting pregnant.
I understand that biologically after a certain age, your chances of having a “healthy” pregnancy gets slimmer. But damnit I don’t need to be reminded about it every time the conversation about my future is involved. I am well aware of the fact that I am getting older, as evident of my knees creaking and cracking every time I bend down. I don’t need to be told the longer I wait to have children the more likely my child will have down syndrome. (someone in real life said that to me, like out of their mouth, to my face.)
Don’t be rude and don’t be stupid! Perhaps the most irritating thing is that people are real quick to get you pregnant but real slow to help you take care of the baby, buy diapers, formula or put towards their college tuition. If you ain’t putting ins on it then, don’t ask me about no baby.
You also never know where someone is on the journey to motherhood. Perhaps they are dealing with infertility or they lost a child. They shouldn’t be reminded about their struggle on a constant basis or be triggered on their emotional trauma.
Having a family with children seems like one of those boxes you’re supposed to check off in order to have a fulfilling life. I know when making conversation asking someone if they have children is an easy question in order to get to know them. But I implore you to temper your response when you discover they’re childless.
Honey you know I am here for 👏🏾ALL 👏🏾OF 👏🏾THIS!!! And say it louder for the people in the back!!
Yes… Yep…and YASSSSSS Sis! I completely agree and I have 2 boys. I applaud you and commend how you choose to approach motherhood ✅👌🏾
I was one that would ask a few years ago until someone cried and told me they couldn’t have any children so I stopped at that moment because I don’t know someone else’s journey. You have to walk your path and make no excuses for it.
All of this!! Love it! Go head girl! This was such a good read, and I love all the gifs!!
I agree completely. People are always rushing your journey about something. First it’s marriage, then baby, then the next baby. It’s irritating.
Girl, take your sweet time because parenting is no joke. It’s a whole lot of work and I had no idea it would be this hard.
Same thing happened to me. I didn’t get married until I was 35; had our son at 36. Several times I heard, “we never thought you’d get married or have kids!”
I’m rolling my eyes so hard because I feel you! At age 37 and no signs of slowing down long enough to settle down, I get grilled often by loved ones about when I’m going to finally have children. 🙄 Not today, or tomorrow is typically my answer. I’m far too busy building an empire 🙋🏾♀️
As someone who has fertility issues, I totally get this! At the end of the day, it’s none of their business when you’re going to have kids.
YASSS! I’n only 27 and its suprising how many people have asked me that question. like WTH I’ m in the prime of my youth and dont see myself settling down anytime soon. Don’t try and put me in BOX!
hahaha but to be honest, I partly think it’s worse when they stop asking you. Means they’ve given up and think it’ll never happen.
I am constantly given a look of shock when I say I’m 40 with no kids. It’s like I’m SUPPOSED to have them by now but WHY?! It will happen in due time but that time is not today.
Girl all I can do is just praise this!!! These are all facts. I have been considering for a while if I even want children and if I do is because of societal pressures. I love being an auntie.
Sounds like you are talking about me too. I am in my early 30s and because I travel so much so many people say I bet you won’t be doing all of that traveling once you have kids. So people are literally trying to “curse” me with pregnancy so I can stop living my life that’s sad.