Dealing with a F**K boy is a rite of passage in any woman’s romantic relationship journey. It’s something you will inevitably have to deal with at some point in your life. Although you would rather not experience it, it’s unavoidable and an essential part of your growth.

I am a Games of Thrones fan. This last season I have been slightly disappointed with how some of the character arcs are ending, particularly with Jaime Lannister and Daenerys Targaryen. As I sat in the bed pondering my angst and disappointment, I realized I was disillusioned about their character and it left me feeling angry and bitter resentment towards the writers. I was trying to figure out why it all felt so familiar and why I am having such a strong reaction to these story arcs and I realized it’s because it reminds me of dealing with a f**k boy. Let me explain.

If you’re not a GOT fan, I am not going to go over 8 seasons-worth of storylines to give you the backstory of the characters. But know that both Jaime (male) and Daenerys (female) both have romantic love interests who chose to ignore some red flags about their characters and were left hurt in the end. This is a love story we can all relate to.

There are truths we face and truths we ignore. And when someone shows you who they are, it is wise to believe them the first time. That’s not to say that a person can’t change. I am a big proponent of change but change has to come from one’s own desire to be better. You can’t will or force someone to change. Often times, we see the red flags early but choose to ignore them. We romanticized the good things about them and ignore the problematic. At the core of any good f**k boy/girl is their inherent selfish behavior. You will pretty much learn early on in the relationship if a person is selfish and only driven by their own self-motivation or desires. No matter how many times they charm you and you convince yourself to think differently about them, they will always be self-serving…self-serving players, commitment-phobes, or emotionally unavailable.

You can be the toughest, most noble and revered warrior in all the land like Jon Snow and Brienne of Tarth. Or the baddest baddie there is, a six figure job with multiple degrees, and still be reduced to tears and bewilderment when your lover turns out to be exactly who they showed themselves to be. Or who others said they’d be.

At the end of the day, I hate for anyone to get played. And I especially hated to see my girl Brienne get played by Jaime’s old one-handed ass. But in the words of Cuba Gooding, Sr., “Everybody plays the fool!” But let that ish only happen one time.