Women Feeding Into Rape Culture

The male species literally exhausts me. No matter the age or race, their superior entitled behavior is really the reason for so many of the world’s problems. They really have to do better. But women, we gotta do the same.

I returned to work after completing an extended project to find a coworker had been suspended for a sexual harassment claim. I was not at all surprised. Not because he’s a man and I don’t put F**K behavior past any man, but because I have personally witnessed him speaking inappropriately about women and have been the subject of some of of his comments. This post is not about him and what he said to me, or even what he said to the alleged victim. It’s more about the comment that came from a female coworker about the incident.  

She went on and on about how our coworker is a good guy (even though she herself has witnessed him being inappropriate) and that the girl should have used her voice (i.e. curse him out) instead of getting him suspended. I immediately responded that the female in question did use her voice, and that was to exercise her right to take the matter to human resources. Now, I expect comments such as these from my male coworkers, but I was utterly baffled that another female would say the same thing. This is the same week the R. Kelly docuseries was released and the comments that I was hearing from females in defense of R. Kelly has left me utterly confused. Why don’t women support each other more when it comes to abuse?

Comments like, “She should have cursed him out…those women were just weak and stupid” or “Why didn’t they say something as soon as the abuse happened?” are all rhetoric of a heteronormative patriarchal society that helps to feed into rape culture. And sadly some women have drank the kool-aid. So many victims of abuse don’t come forward with their stories because of comments such as these. No one ever believes them, including women. Black men can be predators too. Even the so called “good guys”. I wish we were compassionate and empathetic toward one another.

There are several factors that make a person more vulnerable and susceptible to manipulation and control at the hands of a predator. That doesn’t make them weak or stupid. It makes them human. A human that needs love and healing. No woman voluntarily signs herself up to be abused mentally, emotionally or sexually at the hands of man. Just because you don’t understand, or you may not see yourself in a situation that would allow abuse to happen, doesn’t give you the right to judge or condemn others who have. The stereotype of the strong independent Black woman helps to fuel this skewed narrative that Black women are above being abused in any such way. But our history in America will tell you otherwise. We have always been the subject of abuse since we crossed the Atlantic. We have higher cases of domestic violence than our counterparts. Yet still, we’re skeptical when another women brings forth a claim of abuse.

We never know what situations we’ll find ourselves in or going through until we’re in it. That’s why we should always be gentle with judgments. Ladies, let’s be more supportive of women who experience trauma through abuse of any form and be less judgemental about how they got there and how long they stayed. These type of damning questions does little in helping to change the behavior of the men who continue to abuse without retribution. So women, do better.

 

16 thoughts on “Women Feeding Into Rape Culture

  1. I don’t know why some women do that, but I’m not built like that. If a friend or even a stranger tells me she was harassed at work, I automatically believe her because I know office culture is generally pretty anti-woman. It’s definitely anti-mother, but that’s a whole other topic.

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  2. Girrllll I was literally snapping while reading this. This is right on time during the #MeToo, R Kelly talk that has been going on. Sadly many women have, as you stated, drank the kool aid of patriarchy and have these sexist, misogynistic views towards other women due to living in this society. Reminds me of the term “pick me” a lot of people use via Twitter haha. I enjoyed this so much because it rings true. People have to learn no means no, creep behavior is not cute, and that victims should not be shamed.

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  3. These men have gotten away with it for so long. As women, we have to stand up for each other and be there. Victims don’t come forward because of what others will say and I hate that.

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  4. Speak it sis! I wouldn’t felt bad at all for getting him suspended. When are we going to learn that these words and actions by males can be controlled. They can be professional and they choose not to. It’s not about how you dress, they can control themselves!

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  5. I really don’t think people in general know how to separate when they learn the truth about someone and them liking the person. For example, with this R. Kelly mess that we have been knowing about or hearing for some yearssss now; because people like his music they feel like he’s a good person who wouldn’t do the things he’s been accused of and the accusers are wrong. That’s total delusion. People can do good things and still do bad things. People can do good things and still be bad people. Their “goodness” is usually relative to the circumstances. I’ve seen it so many times and not with just celebrities. People will go to bat for someone because they were cool with them, but that person is shitting on everyone. So, I’m not surprised that you co-worker was saying those things. Society is so messed up right now. Smh… Great post though.

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  6. As women, we need to lead with love and support for our sisters. It’s beyond messed up the way women who have been abused are treated. It sickens me and I so hope a change comes.

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  7. I totally agree with you! Your co-worker who was talking down about your other co-worker who reported the incident had some nerve. It’s really sad that some women feel the way she does.

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  8. Yes, its super crazy the comments I heard from other women regarding R. Kelly. He recently had a birthday party and women were saying they wanted to be taken hostage by him. I’m thinking are you crazy, blinded by his music, or maybe they had trauma. I’m truly baffled by some of these reactions,

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  9. It’s so much easier to shame someone then it is to genuinely want them to seek help. You are right it starts with us thinking negatively and making that woman feel bad but it also ends with us calling this behavior to the carpet and standing together to stop it.

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