Dating is probably one of the most annoying things I’ve ever experienced. It’s an exhausting and daunting encounter. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some great, fun, decent dates, but the things most cherished from these failed attempts at finding love are the lessons I’ve learned along the way. The Bible says to guard your heart because everything you do flows from it. As a young lady you have to protect yourself physically and emotionally from these knuckleheads because they will try you. Here are some of the ways I try to combat the foolishness.
Don’t fall in love with a fantasy
With popular hashtags like #RelationshipGoals and #BlackLove on social media, it’s easy to fall in love with the ideal of a man and a relationship before you even acquire one. One can be so engrossed in the fantasy of love and in fulfilling the longing of wanting to have someone that you begin to make poor judgments and force situations instead of letting God write your love story. It’s more than ok to have a list of your ideal mate and how you want your relationship to manifest, but it must be grounded in reality. Don’t fall in love with the optics of someone before you get to know him and start building your heart on shaky foundation. When you force the fantasy into a reality you can miss the signs that someone doesn’t fit into your life.
Check your emotions
Part of not falling in love with the fantasy and ensuring your decisions and interactions with your date are grounded in reality is to always keep your emotions in check. Romanticizing a person puts you in danger of being more susceptible and vulnerable to possible deceitful behavior because your vision and perspective are clouded. Being grounded in self-love and confidence is the key to protecting yourself. When you love yourself and know your worth and value, it’s more difficult for someone to come into your life and throw you off kilter with flowery words and empty promises. You won’t fall for the okie doke. And when things don’t work out, you won’t gauge your value by how much someone wants.
Say what you mean/Listen to what they say
You can protect your heart, avoid falling in love with the fantasy, and check your emotions by explicitly stating your expectations and listening/paying attention to what is being fed to you. Avoid reading between the lines and take a man at his word and actions. If he tells you on date one that he doesn’t want children, then he will not change his mind at date 50. You can avoid a lot of disappointment and heartache by listening and observing behavior. At the same time be direct in your communication and be clear about your expectations and don’t waver. Don’t sike yourself out and think that you are making compromises because I guarantee you a guy won’t do the same for you. God will send you someone who directly meets your needs and you won’t have to make concessions.
When dating, it’s so important to keep yourself number one. You can serve no one if your spirit is off balance. Dating is so much easier when you involve God. I wrote about that previously on this post. Don’t let any relationship be more important than your relationship with God and yourself. Don’t ever let a man break your heart and spirit. As my mama would say, I ain’t telling you something I heard but something I know.
Great tips! Self love and keeping God first is so important
Good job on this one sis. I think you made 3 very valid points. People should definitely check them selves before even thinking about someone romanticly especially if it’s long term. I used to be that naive person and I thank God I ain’t no more! These days I let it flow completely. I don’t force nothing and I pay attention to what he is saying and even better what he is DOING. Behavior will tell it all. If most of us follow this, we will avoid lots of heart breaks and wasted time.
Very good stuff!!! I’m sharing this!!!
Listening to what they say is very important. People will tell you about themselves and for some reason folks just don’t want to accept it sometimes.
knock on wood, but i’ve been out of the dating game for many years, but these tips/advice is on point.. I will definitely share with my single friends
Great tips! It’s really easy to run away with a fantasy then get hit in the head by the reality of a person. That listening tip is key, and so is paying attention to the way people act. People show you who they are sooner or later.
Great Tips! I like the “say what you mean, mean what you say” tip this is important…communication. If you both say what your intentions are up front you can’t get it confused later on!
The first one is so important because too often some people fall in love with potential and the idea of being in relationships and love!
Awesome 3 tips. Fantasy is for fairy tales and people are real. Ignore social media “goals” nonsense and get to know the real person.
Dating has been interesting for me because I don’t have much experience. I do like getting to know someone and the butterflies you get. However, determining what is what is exhausting and sucks the fun out of the process. Comparing your anything to what you see on social media is a great way to fail.
I do agree that you can save yourself a lot of heartache by listening and observing. Many fail to do that. And while it’s good to not be overly suspicious or judgmental, sometimes you really do have to read between the lines in order to bring a hidden matter out in the open.
Three powerful words of advice for dating. Dating is so complicated these day but we complicate them more if they dont pay attention!
I love that you stated that people shouldn’t fall in love with a fantasy or measure their relationship goals up against couples they see on social media. People can’t see what that relationship is really like. Great tips!
Really great tips for this time of year when everyone is into the IDEA of falling in love. Our emotions and dreams can seriously take over. Must be mindful!